Catching up

So its been a long while since I have been here. I don't know that anyone reads this, and that's not really why I started this, but still, I should update nonetheless.
So I am now primary Secretary, and I am learning some really great lessons. I am learning to prioritize and make adjustments so that I can take care of my family and my church responsibilities and not have either feeling neglected.

Rob and I have discovered a fantastic new date night. haha we watch Heroes DVDs of season one. I love having something that both Rob and I are "in to" its been good. no matter how dorky.

I love my husband so much and I am so impressed with him always. He never runs out of patience with me. He never criticises he never puts me down. He just loves me always. I just didn't even know that anyone was capable of such unconditional love. I have wanted it my whole whole life and I have had it for the past 7+ years, and wow I am so thankful.

Of course that doesn't mean that makes life fluffy and cheerful all the time. I still have my moments and I still have my darkness that I am continually dealing with. I feel like I received some answers, but I don't know really. Sometimes I just want to forget about it all, and then some days its all I think about. I am thankful that my dreams haven't been so horrendous lately, I feel like I have a little more insight and understanding into them. But of course I don't really know. I chickened out and still haven't talked to Rob about it. I don't know if I am waiting till the next breakdown, or if I just want to never let it affect me. But it does.

I emailed my sister to ask her what she remembered from our childhood. She I think was faced with a lot more than I ever was, and her truths were hard to digest. It makes me angry that dysfunctional people can so carelessly become parents and inflict sickness and dysfunction onto their children, who then have to pick up the pieces and try to be contributors to society. I have so much anger towards all of my "parents" I feel like I just want to yell at all of them and blame them for all of this unbalanced emotion that I deal with. But I know that not one of them would stand up and take any sort of responsibility for any actions they took while I was growing up.

argh, anger does nothing constructive. And I know I have to let it go. So I take a deep breath and for today, I move on.

so all is well with our little bundle of baby, I can't wait to meet her. I am so anxious to hug her and kiss her. I cannot wait to introduce her into our family. It will be so fantastic. Everything has been going well with the pregnancy and I am thankful to be passed the yucky feeling stage. I am ALOT more uncomfortable, but its fun to feel kicklings and amazing acrobatics in my tum tum. My blood test came back low on iron, so I am on that. Funny I am so anemic with girls, and that would explain the complete exhaustiveness. But I am feeling pretty good overall. So I am happy.

I am looking forward to conference, we are going to Rob's parents house and that is hard for me sometimes because we don't really get a good chance to feel the spirit, there is just weird contention there with Rob's dad. But I am really needing to have some good insight, so I will try my best to get the most out of conference that I can. and it is nice to always have the whole family dinner thing. Of course there will be a bunch missing, but it should still be good.

i will update more soon, and post pics of aleksia's b-day party on the 12th and then Halloween. Should be a fun month for sure. I love Halloween!