Unveiling?

So I suppose it is a little lame to have this perfectly good blog just sitting here not being read. Of course that makes me wonder, should I delete previous "crazy posts"? So that perhaps I don't seem so insane. Even as I read back through these posts I realize how quickly I change my mind about life and how quickly I can go from euphoric to bottom of the barrel.
But its me, it's always been me. Sometimes the down times are far and few between, sometimes they are one right after another. I don't know why, I feel like a well adjusted person, until I'm not. ha.

Anywho, life is plugging along splendidly. I am now 17+ weeks. I am scheduled for my ultrasound in two weeks, I am anxious. I am also waiting for my blood work to come back to find out if we are indeed expecting a little cutie with an extra chromosone. I am scared. I don't feel worthy of such a huge responsibility. I think Rob is completly overwhelmed. At the same time, we are a strong couple, I think we could do this.

Aleksia grows up more and more each day. Today she insisted on leading Cooper around and having him be her little sister. Complete with a dress and snow white shoes. haha Coop was so good and just followed her around and obeyed so well. They have a cute relationship, Coopy loves to harass her and be an absolute boy and she loves to dance and mommy him. I can't wait to introduce baby #3 into the mix. They are going to be so awesome, I just know it.

I think that I am being released from nursery this week, the bishop told me it will probably happen this week. WOW I feel relieved. It doesn't seem like nursery as a second calling would be that hard, but I am really really struggling in there. I so badly need adult interaction and some spiritual upliftment, and I am just not getting it at all from nursery. Don't get me wrong, I love those kids. wow, I love them. But I need a little break from that world. I look forward to sitting through sunday school. And hanging out with the 4 other ladies that are in Relief Society. Just for a while, just a little break.

I love the Gospel and I love that I can be forgiven for my many shortcomings. I wonder if there has ever been a mom that doesn't feel completly guilty for something all the time. I always feel like I could be doing more. And lately I really have needed to do more as a mom. My babies are just growing growing growing. ahhhh I just want to feel better and not be in such a crappy place of my pregnancy. I know it will get better, but its so hard to see the light when everyday is just more crappiness. I am pretty sure that on top of my crazy all day nausea, I now have a sinus infection. Its killing me.

We also have our cub scout belt loop rally this Saturday, and I am totally not even feeling it. I am sure that my whole committee thinks I am the biggest flake. Maybe I should finally spill the beans about being pregnant. Perhaps that would clear up some of why I am acting like such a crazy lady. Ahhhh, I feel like I could just do so much better if I could get a break from this sickness for just a little little while. ahhhhh.

ok I know this is long long long already, but Rob and I recently saw "Evan Almighty" which was ALOT better than I thought it would be, anywho. Morgan Freeman who plays God (yeah I duno either) was talking to the mom and she was so frustrated with her crazy hubby and he says to her. When you pray for your family to be closer, does God make you imediatly closer, or does he give you trials that will bring you together?

wow, that was profound and I really loved it. and totally can apply this to my life. who knew you could have your testimony strengthened by sitting in a movie theater? I loved it.

ok enough, more to come soon.