New Blog

alrighty my new blog is up and running sans the comment ability....its coming I promise.

anywho, update your links for me. this is the new one www.thecuddlebug.com/blog


visit it and love it.

lalala

I'm moving out. yup I know its sad and you will all be sad to see me leave. But my dang cute hubbie made me my very own blog spot. One day I asked him where I could get some awesome blog layouts and he refered me to his website. haha silly me not thinking to make my husband stop his paying work to make an ever important blog.

anywho I will post the new addy soon.

tootles.

Halloween

YAY its Halloween and I love it. Rob bought a whole lotta candy and I bet that we end up handing it all out. We are doing the downtown thing and then over to the trunk or treat at the ward. haha we will really work the Halloween route this year.

of course Rob and I are both getting sick, so we will see if the parents survive the festivities. The kiddles have already worn their costumes a few times now because of various parties. But goodness tonight is the real deal.


so stay tuned there will be more pics to follow. wooohoooo for Halloween!

Pickled Herring?

Sometimes I think I am so funny. This morning Rob was driving to work and apparently a bird with a death wish just happened to use our car as his means for suicide. The bird flew straight into the side of the car and then bounced off. So of course I told Terrie about it. and when she asked what kind of bird it was, my first thought was a penguin. Then that painted a funny picture in my mind. And I chuckled to myself. Ahhh the humor.

So I love Halloween and I am not quite sure what I should be. I was thinking maybe just a simple cat ear headband would suffice, but now because Cooper insists that Rob will be batman, he ordered a costume and I really don't want people thinking I am trying to be his Catwoman. Thats just not pretty.
So we'll see, the kids are pretty excited, and I can't wait to get them all dressed up for our party and then later for Trick or Treating. fun times fun times!

So this little Ella baby sure is a wiggler she is moving ALLLLLL the time and I am getting sore. My hips hurt, my back hurts, my tailbone hurts, everything. I am anxiously awaiting December. Rob and I were talking about how we haven't felt nervous or anxious about this delivery at all. Its actually kind of a weird feeling, I hope that means that all will be well, and not that we are just being sheltered for something huge to happen later. haha always the worrier. I do feel really at peace with this baby, like she has just been waiting to join our family. I think she will be our little peacemaker. I don't know why I feel that way, I just do and I am excited to meet her.

I never post pictures and thats just boring, so here are a few for your viewing pleasure.


Cooper Being a Ham face


Aleksia after a practice face painting session. She loves being a model

Rob made "ugly cake" for our eating pleasure. Its not pretty, but it tastes like heaven.

Alrighty thats all for now.
I'm out.

Catching up

So its been a long while since I have been here. I don't know that anyone reads this, and that's not really why I started this, but still, I should update nonetheless.
So I am now primary Secretary, and I am learning some really great lessons. I am learning to prioritize and make adjustments so that I can take care of my family and my church responsibilities and not have either feeling neglected.

Rob and I have discovered a fantastic new date night. haha we watch Heroes DVDs of season one. I love having something that both Rob and I are "in to" its been good. no matter how dorky.

I love my husband so much and I am so impressed with him always. He never runs out of patience with me. He never criticises he never puts me down. He just loves me always. I just didn't even know that anyone was capable of such unconditional love. I have wanted it my whole whole life and I have had it for the past 7+ years, and wow I am so thankful.

Of course that doesn't mean that makes life fluffy and cheerful all the time. I still have my moments and I still have my darkness that I am continually dealing with. I feel like I received some answers, but I don't know really. Sometimes I just want to forget about it all, and then some days its all I think about. I am thankful that my dreams haven't been so horrendous lately, I feel like I have a little more insight and understanding into them. But of course I don't really know. I chickened out and still haven't talked to Rob about it. I don't know if I am waiting till the next breakdown, or if I just want to never let it affect me. But it does.

I emailed my sister to ask her what she remembered from our childhood. She I think was faced with a lot more than I ever was, and her truths were hard to digest. It makes me angry that dysfunctional people can so carelessly become parents and inflict sickness and dysfunction onto their children, who then have to pick up the pieces and try to be contributors to society. I have so much anger towards all of my "parents" I feel like I just want to yell at all of them and blame them for all of this unbalanced emotion that I deal with. But I know that not one of them would stand up and take any sort of responsibility for any actions they took while I was growing up.

argh, anger does nothing constructive. And I know I have to let it go. So I take a deep breath and for today, I move on.

so all is well with our little bundle of baby, I can't wait to meet her. I am so anxious to hug her and kiss her. I cannot wait to introduce her into our family. It will be so fantastic. Everything has been going well with the pregnancy and I am thankful to be passed the yucky feeling stage. I am ALOT more uncomfortable, but its fun to feel kicklings and amazing acrobatics in my tum tum. My blood test came back low on iron, so I am on that. Funny I am so anemic with girls, and that would explain the complete exhaustiveness. But I am feeling pretty good overall. So I am happy.

I am looking forward to conference, we are going to Rob's parents house and that is hard for me sometimes because we don't really get a good chance to feel the spirit, there is just weird contention there with Rob's dad. But I am really needing to have some good insight, so I will try my best to get the most out of conference that I can. and it is nice to always have the whole family dinner thing. Of course there will be a bunch missing, but it should still be good.

i will update more soon, and post pics of aleksia's b-day party on the 12th and then Halloween. Should be a fun month for sure. I love Halloween!

Unveiling?

So I suppose it is a little lame to have this perfectly good blog just sitting here not being read. Of course that makes me wonder, should I delete previous "crazy posts"? So that perhaps I don't seem so insane. Even as I read back through these posts I realize how quickly I change my mind about life and how quickly I can go from euphoric to bottom of the barrel.
But its me, it's always been me. Sometimes the down times are far and few between, sometimes they are one right after another. I don't know why, I feel like a well adjusted person, until I'm not. ha.

Anywho, life is plugging along splendidly. I am now 17+ weeks. I am scheduled for my ultrasound in two weeks, I am anxious. I am also waiting for my blood work to come back to find out if we are indeed expecting a little cutie with an extra chromosone. I am scared. I don't feel worthy of such a huge responsibility. I think Rob is completly overwhelmed. At the same time, we are a strong couple, I think we could do this.

Aleksia grows up more and more each day. Today she insisted on leading Cooper around and having him be her little sister. Complete with a dress and snow white shoes. haha Coop was so good and just followed her around and obeyed so well. They have a cute relationship, Coopy loves to harass her and be an absolute boy and she loves to dance and mommy him. I can't wait to introduce baby #3 into the mix. They are going to be so awesome, I just know it.

I think that I am being released from nursery this week, the bishop told me it will probably happen this week. WOW I feel relieved. It doesn't seem like nursery as a second calling would be that hard, but I am really really struggling in there. I so badly need adult interaction and some spiritual upliftment, and I am just not getting it at all from nursery. Don't get me wrong, I love those kids. wow, I love them. But I need a little break from that world. I look forward to sitting through sunday school. And hanging out with the 4 other ladies that are in Relief Society. Just for a while, just a little break.

I love the Gospel and I love that I can be forgiven for my many shortcomings. I wonder if there has ever been a mom that doesn't feel completly guilty for something all the time. I always feel like I could be doing more. And lately I really have needed to do more as a mom. My babies are just growing growing growing. ahhhh I just want to feel better and not be in such a crappy place of my pregnancy. I know it will get better, but its so hard to see the light when everyday is just more crappiness. I am pretty sure that on top of my crazy all day nausea, I now have a sinus infection. Its killing me.

We also have our cub scout belt loop rally this Saturday, and I am totally not even feeling it. I am sure that my whole committee thinks I am the biggest flake. Maybe I should finally spill the beans about being pregnant. Perhaps that would clear up some of why I am acting like such a crazy lady. Ahhhh, I feel like I could just do so much better if I could get a break from this sickness for just a little little while. ahhhhh.

ok I know this is long long long already, but Rob and I recently saw "Evan Almighty" which was ALOT better than I thought it would be, anywho. Morgan Freeman who plays God (yeah I duno either) was talking to the mom and she was so frustrated with her crazy hubby and he says to her. When you pray for your family to be closer, does God make you imediatly closer, or does he give you trials that will bring you together?

wow, that was profound and I really loved it. and totally can apply this to my life. who knew you could have your testimony strengthened by sitting in a movie theater? I loved it.

ok enough, more to come soon.

Life is Good

I think I probably sound like such a spaz. I am so up and down all the time. But, lately life has been good. Rob and I are taking care of one another a lot better than we have been and the kiddles continue to amaze me with their love and amusingness (is that a word?)

So I got called as the Cub Scout committee chair. I knew it was coming, but now that it is sinking in, I am kinda scared and I really just want to pretend like I don't have a huge calling. It should be good and all the people I work with are really great (used to be the Wolf leader) I only struggle with the Cub Master, but yeah I think we will be ok.

Still in nursery though, I am having a tough time with that one, just because I so want to be involved in the "big kids discussions" but I know I have more to learn before I will be released, so I better just buck up and be the best leader I can be.

So Rob and I went to our first dr appointment. Because I had had some bleeding the Doc sent me down to get an ultrasound done. It really made this pregnancy real, for about two days, and then life went back to normal. Besides of course the feeling of pukiness 24/7. I am excited to tell people, just because its been so long since we have had a wee little one in our home, but at the same time I want to keep this our little secret. We plan to tell everyone after we have had our ultrasound and know what we are having. We'll see if we make it that long

So everyone in our ward is moving and it makes me feel like there is something wrong with our neighborhood. It also feels like with everyone moving we are losing some essencial members of our ward. It will be interesting to see who moves in and how it will change the dynamics of our ward.

anywho perhaps I should make more of an effort to keep this updated.

out.