I have to let go

I think there are so many thoughts floating around in my mind, that I might break down. There are some thoughts that I know I can't do anything about and I just need to let go. I seriously feel like the advesary knows how to get to me and if I just let these random thoughts and meanderings of conciousness rule my life I will never progress, I will never focus on the important things in life.

It was just a couple of days ago that I felt on top of the world. So excited about spring and all its possibilities, and here I sit today, like a lump, just wanting something else to occupy my time with. I am being lazy, and so unconstructive. bleh, I have to let go of the garbage and embrace the good.

Today I am really thankful for my Husband.

New New New

So the beginning of spring makes me giddy with excitment. Never in my life have I remembered being so excited about spring. But this year its different. I have two beautiful bouncy children that love to run and be monkeys, I have a yard, my very own yard. Wow how did I even get this suburban, normal, happy life? I look forward to landscaping, digging, growing, weeding. I look forward to it because all of it benefits my family and our home that we are building together. I just love it.
I feel the winter blahs leaving. I spoke with my friend and we laughed about vitamin D and the effects the sun has on our bodies. I felt it the moment I left my house. I love knowing that its only going to get warmer and sunnier. I feel happy. I know that I cycle and I am sure it will get to the summer and I will be hating how hot it is, but I am not looking at that now. I love life right now.
I really want to be a better mom. I feel like I have left behind the notion that I really just need to be known as Heather as opposed to "mama" and I still have my days where I lose myself and wonder when all the cleaning stops. But then I remembered. Its when we lose ourselves in His serivce that we truly find ourselves. I know that my little ones only stay little for a while, and I am already missing the baby Coopy. He has been replaced with this toddler that is independent and smart and funny and I just love this stage of his life. But I crave a baby, a squishy floppy baby to hold and snuggle and nurture. I feel like we are ready. But I also feel as though we don't so much have a say with this one. I know the Lord is in control and I know we must learn patience.
I wonder if we truly will be blessed with the beautiful, angelic downs syndrome girl I saw while praying. Was it my own mind wanderings? was it divine revelation? I find that if I think about it I know the true answer, and it scares me a little. Are we the parents that can handle a child with special needs. Are we ready financially to take care of the costs that are involved? I don't know but I hope that if this is what we are dealt, that we can do as we need. I know we would be blessed, We always are.

so many more things to say now, but this post is already long enough.